Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
