just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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