I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
