Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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