I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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