the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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