we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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