physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
