I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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