Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
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Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
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While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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