who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
