yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
