well you can't waste a boner
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
