i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
