So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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