If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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