So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
