is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
