Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
