she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
