I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
