Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
