I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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