At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
