I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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