i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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