I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
