I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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