oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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