Whod you bang
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Im part way to drunk.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
