i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
