Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
