I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
