dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
