It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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