Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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