dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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