It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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