They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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