Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
