The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
