STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
