my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
