He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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