Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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