if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i came on her dog
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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