"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
