A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
