she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
