literally had 100 drinks last night.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
