UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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