Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
