i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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