Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
