I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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