I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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