she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
