He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
and she was petting her beer can
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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