Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
