this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
