It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
