mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
