my phone needs a breathalizer
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
