We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
