I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
