You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
there is glitter all over my balls
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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