you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
